Angry with God...

I've been angry with God this week. In fact, I've been giving Him the silent treatment - which in retrospect is about the dumbest thing ever. In my attempt to show God how mad I was that He allowed me to be hurt so deeply, I cut off my only true source of comfort, love and fulfillment. As I said - not my brightest move.

And the really silly part is that God already understood how hurt I was because He knows my heart. He knew I was blaming Him for something that was not His fault. He knew I was hurting myself even more by disconnecting from Him. He knew.

This morning I picked up a book of prayers I've been reading through and in my heart I basically dared God to try to speak to me. My attitude was "I'm here. I'm showing up. Now where are You?" And I turned the page where I'd left off and read...

Lord Jesus, I sin.

There was a page of text beneath that line, but all I could do was read the first one over and over...

Lord Jesus, I sin.
I turned away from you in my hurt and anger.
Lord Jesus, I sin.
I blamed You for the pain and betrayal,
but You are good and faithful.
You did not hurt me.
Lord Jesus, I sin.
I shut You out rather than wrapping myself in Your Truth.
Forgive me, Lord Jesus, I sin.